Many people, me included, will be surprised to know that the word Splagg as in Single Splagg and Splagg as in Double Splagg, are completely unrelated. This is an extreme example of the tyranny of the homonym! However, in an effort to report with ferocity and veracity, the staff at Lackzoom Acidophilus has spared no effort to expose not only the meaning of Splagg, as in Single Splagg but ourselves as well.

Our little adventure in words takes us to a small roadside inn in Estonia. Not the country but the village that sits just outside Catspeak, New Jersey, an industrial Mecca in the Eastern Power Corridor of these United States. Estonia is a town that proudly displays within it environs the Harmon J. Keck Foundry. Because of secrets which date back to the Middle Ages, it is not clear what the Keck Foundry produces, but the most prominent byproducts of the secret process is what is called, for lack of a clearer concept, The Singular Splagg.

This Splagg, as may be guessed from its euphonic sound, is an amorphous lump of metallic material that not only glows in the dark, but hypnotizes with a sympathetic quantum rhythm that is set up by atoms vibrating off the loose K Shell. Merely touching a piece of Splagg has a galvanizing effect on the human psyche. As a result the material is banned on most continents and only the fact that a "curtain of silence" edict has come from the Vatican has kept this controversial substance out of the hands of the various nefarious criminal organizations of the world.

Hence, The Single Splagg has come to mean A Guardian of Organizations, not unlike a Sergeant of Arms but with a power more akin to that of the Pope. It is not unusual for the Single Splagg to negotiate billion dollar deals and buy wholesale. It has long been suspected that William H. Seward, Andrew Johnson's Secretary of State, was acting as Single Splagg when negotiating with the Czar of Russia so that America could end up with chilly Alaska as the 49th State.

The lineage of the Single Splagg is a proud one and no prouder than here at Lackzoom Acidophilus. Why without a Single Splagg the happy work of comedy would turn to a dreadful drudgery. The sap of humor would dry up in our veins and the flow of wit would dry on the vines.

We salute the Singular Splagg, as the Single Splagg is more properly called, and the efforts of that office which keeps us happily afloat on the deep ocean of our molecular comedy. Hail to you Blithe Splagg!