A cousin of mine emailed me a notice about a blues singer performing in the city of Pittsburgh. He intimated that the blues couldn't really be about middle class white guys. Always one to recognize a challenge, I penned the following:

Blond Suburban Boy's Blues

Woke up this morning,
Perrier by my bed,
My male pattern baldness,
Made me go back to sleep instead.

Well, I'm long gone,
Like a white haired surfer in a storm.
Yes, I'm long gone,
Like a grad student cheating on a loan.

Went into the bathroom,
Tried to brush my teeth,
But my blue electric toothbrush,
Didn't clean my breath. (Pronounced breeth, of course)

Well, I'm long gone,
Like a long necked servant shuckin' corn.
Yes, I'm long gone,
Like a Wall Street Broker freshly shorn.

Rolled down to the kitchen,
Tried to eat some toast,
But the toaster was set to char,
And so was the Sunday roast.

Well, I'm long gone,
Yes, I'm flying out today.
My ticket says forst class,
And I paid a lot of hay!

You won't see me here tomorrow,
I got a lot of luck
Our lottery ticket 666 came in,
And my co-workers all are ******

Well, I'm long gone,
Yes, I'm flying out today.
My ticket says forst class,
And I paid a lot of hay!